5 Ways Therapy Can Help You With Divorce


By Natalie Kusturic, M.A., LMFT 

Photo by Kelly Sikkema

1. Discover programmed patterns of relating inhibiting your growth

The first seven years of your life you were a sponge taking in information. This early  childhood programming is filled with messages, habits, and beliefs, which form the  fabric of your identity and relationships. Inner child work done with expert  guidance can help you begin to see how early childhood experiences may be  interfering with your ability to be a full grown adult. Learning to connect with and  speak to your inner child can bridge the gap from who you were to who you are and  who you choose to be. 

2. Get unstuck from repetitive emotional cycles. 

How you manage your emotions can either make for a great day or the worst day  ever. Emotions color our daily experiences and lead to how you view the world.  Therapy teaches you to create new emotional experiences by allowing repressed  emotions to surface and process. If you have ignored your feelings for a long time  and pretend you are ok then you would benefit from learning to face them and move  through them. 

3. Learn to trust. 

Trust is a foundational element of a healthy relationship. When trust is damaged  relationships begin to break apart and insecurities will rise to the surface. In  therapy you can experience what it means to have someone listen to you and not tell  your secrets to anyone. Being in a safe relationship you can share your secrets and  face shame and guilt hidden within. Therapy can heal the moments you broke your  own trust so you can trust yourself again. 

4. Develop the skills to manage stress and overwhelm. 

The moment a person enters into a state of overwhelm the mind and the body are in  fight or flight mode and NOTHING gets done. Therapy can teach you coping skills  and effective techniques to manage stress. Having the ability to move from  overwhelm to calm will improve your decision making, communication and your  health.  Simply seeing a therapist on a consistent day and time can help a person feel  more calm and capable of handling life stressors which is crucial during the divorce  process. 

5. Improve your self-talk. 

There is nothing worse than speaking negatively to yourself and putting yourself  down. The inner critic is not going to help you resolve problems. The inner critic 

creates problems.  This voice can be transformed in therapy.  Through self examination and reflection you will figure out when this negative voice first  appeared and explore how this inner critic has benefited and harmed you in the  past. Together you can find new ways to communicate with this aspect of yourself so  it can inform your choices rather than hinder your progress. 

Connecting with who you are can give you the skills and knowledge you need to  overcome procrastination, improve decision making and feelings of not being  enough. Imagine what it would feel like to be at peace with yourself internally, speak  kind to yourself, trust yourself, manage negative thoughts, and love yourself. I  suspect you may find yourself being a little kinder and gentler with yourself and  others.

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