I used to hate making choices. A choice for me was like being at a buffet with so many options that I’d often say, “ You know what, suddenly I’m not hungry.” My fear of choices began in second grade when I had to pick out my communion dress. I had the choice between 2 dresses. One dress was much prettier but I chose the second one because it came with a sparkly cross necklace. In retrospect, I wish I had just asked for the necklace instead. I walked into the church wearing a dress that did not express who I was. This made me think, how many times since my communion have I done this exact thing?
It is easy to get paralyzed when making choices or not speak up about what you really want because it might upset other people or worse yet they might say you’re difficult. This is the moment where it is imperative you say out loud, “I choose ME!” When you make a choice based on who you are and what you desire in your life you are actually doing what is best for everyone including those it may disappoint.
I realize this idea may sound contradictory, but it’s not. Choosing what is right for you is an act of courage, which declares, I MATTER and so does everyone else. No one around you will change until you do. As you boldly make a choice in your best interest it allows those close to you the opportunity to develop new ways of relating to you and even uncover their own hidden abilities. Imagine this when you grow they grow or not.
It’s true some people will not like your choices and will not want to change because deep down they really admire how you put your needs aside to meet theirs. They might even exit your life. Regardless of the choice you make, this person always had the possibility of leaving. Relationships like this are tied to expectations and habit. They’ve come to rely on you and now they must do things differently. They may pull out the big guns using guilt or even shame to reel you back in. RESIST! It is NOT your job to take care of them. They can take care of their own needs.
When you choose yourself and consider your options based on what’s best for you, you are on a journey of self-discovery. You are boldly recreating relationships, trusting that you and others are capable of taking care of yourselves and have the potential to be more.